What's With All The Screaming?
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| Wednesday, May 16th, 2012 |
theferrett
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10:08a |
How To Be Friends With A Disabled Person
My Uncle Tommy’s blood didn’t clot very well, a disease known as hemophilia, so blood pooled up in his joints. It ate away his cartilage. Near the end of his life, when he moved his elbow, you could hear the bones rubbing against each other whisper-thin, like two dry crackers ground together.
So he walked slow.
So I walked slow.
To this day, Gini tells me I amble glacially – because I’m used to quietly keeping Tommy’s pace, not wanting to upset him. Oh, I could have jogged on ahead; not that Tommy would have been devastated, as I was basically his son and he would have forgiven me the world.
But he had enough reminders that he was broken and frail. He didn’t need another one from me. So I crept at his pace, which only got slower as the years went by, and we passed the time as two humans.
This is what you do when you have a friend who’s disabled.
Let’s be blatantly honest and say that having disabled friends is often an inconvenience verging on annoyance. They can’t get up stairs. They cancel at the last minute because of unpredictable sicknesses. There’s more planning to be find the right restaurant because of their diet.
If you think it’s an inconvenience to you, imagine how it feels to them.
Every day, the world wakes up and punches your pals in the fucking face, telling them “Hey, you know all those things you want to do? You can’t.”
You can choose to be one of those blows. Or you can be understanding and loving and help them to live a better life.
It’s that fucking simple.
They live in a smaller world because of something they don’t have control over. I think a good friend will take that into account, and tread that fine line between “Yes, it’s an inconvenience and you may not always be able to come along” with a lot of love and understanding and bold attempts to make room for your friend because yes, they have a condition and it deserves to be accommodated whenever possible.
Because when you are that sick, you notice the way people cancel plans with you. The way they quietly stop inviting you to parties. The way you don’t defend them when other, healthier people, complain that they shouldn’t have to deal with your issues.
They’re sick, not stupid, and they feel their excision from your life as keenly as a cut. One more cut in a life filled with them.
I’m not saying I was saccharine-sweet to Tommy. I acknowledged the difficulty of his disabledness from time to time, because we were loving humans and that means being honest. But I never made a big deal about the way we had to get to concerts half an hour early so he could get to his seat, or how we had to stay an hour late because the crowds might bump him too hard.
Instead, I used that extra time to talk to him, companionably walking at his cane-pace, as friends. He must have noticed that his hyperactive teenaged nephew was walking slow.
But for a time, he had the ability to live his life as though nothing was wrong with him. And that was the greatest gift I could give him.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.
This entry has also been posted at http://theferrett.dreamwidth.org/212382.html. You can comment here, or comment there; makes no never-mind by me. |
circletpress
[ ceciliatan ]
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10:00a |
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boutell
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9:51a |
justjs: frustration + motivation = excitation
 Hey guys, I just launched justjs.com, an autobiographical blog about node.js development. It's written in Node and all the source code is on github. "Whuzza node?" node.js is a very cool thing that lets you build websites in JavaScript. Not just the part that runs in the browser, but also the part that runs on the server. "But why?" Since Google, Firefox and Microsoft have put so much effort into competing to make JavaScript faster, the v8 engine – the open source JavaScript engine that Google built for Chrome – is now faster than just about any other pleasant-to-use programming language in the world. And it's baked into both Node and the MongoDB database. So there is basically no reason to constantly switch from language to language in your head as you move between PHP (or Ruby), JavaScript, and SQL. Instead you can now write JavaScript everywhere. Which I really, really like, even though JavaScript isn't perfect. You can follow the blog here. (There's an RSS feed as well.) Looking forward to your thoughts! |
whatwasthatbook
[ rose_welch ]
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8:34a |
YA Novels
Aaaand another one. Snarky, chubby teen has a blonde baton-swirling best friend with a hottie, artsy older brother on whom MC is crushing. She also has a nagging, fat-shaming mother. She takes a job at a local health food place and starts losing weight for a role in Romeo and Juliet and the hottie artist's heart. When she hits her ideal weight, her mom takes her shopping for a new wardrobe. During the audition, she passes out and both the role and his heart go to a new girl. Lessons are learned. I don't remember how it ends. I read it in paperback about a decade ago in the US. The cover had a girl sitting on an apartment (?) roof in a city. Yet another one was a book of short stories about teen girls. One involved a jerky guy who competing with a teen girl over finding beach treasures. (Just teeth or primarily teeth?) She came in with an entire shark jaw and won, and then gave it to him. One was about a girl's fear of diving and growing up. I read it in paperback about a decade ago in the US. The cover was primarily yellow.
Update: I found the second one! It's The Pig-Out Blues by Jan Greenberg. |
davis_square
[ emcicle ]
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9:26a |
Anyone want a new (old) TV? We're selling one
Just re-posted on Craigslist with a new, lower price to try to sell our old TV. Thought I'd see if anyone locally was interested as well. It works fine, but due to moving to a much smaller space, we decided to upgrade to a TV that doesn't take up as much floor space. I would really love to see someone make use of the TV. Brief summary: 26" High Def CRT TV. We'll throw in our DVD player as well. It can all be yours for $30! here's craigslist post with more details and pictures: http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/ele/3018610902.html Current Mood:  hopeful |
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overheardnyc
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6:00a |
Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025232.html Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?
--Starbucks
Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.
--49th St & Madison Ave
Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.
--LIRR
Overheard by: VV
Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!
--District Court, Hempstead
Overheard by: Big Larry
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woodwardiocom
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8:59a |
At The Movies
Before Avengers, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6) buxom_bey and I saw a trailer for Prometheus.Me: Boy, Charlize Theron is playing a lot of baddies this year. B: Like? Me: She's the witch in Snow White, and she's the company rep in this. B: She's not necessarily the baddie here. Me: She's playing the corporate stooge in an Aliens film; of course she's evil! |
42itous
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8:53a |
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mangosteen
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8:04a |
The Promise of a Boundary
Eli's Law of Professional Services: Keep your promises, and set your boundaries. Even More Important Corollary: Know when you're making promises, and know when you're setting boundaries. In the past 19 months at the new job, the hardest lesson I've learned is that "people want you to do what they want to think you said you were going to do." Wait. Rewind. Too many articles. Let me try again. In the past 19 months at the new job, the hardest lesson I've learned is that "customers consider every statement to be a promise." It's one thing to say "Yes, it'll be done on Monday." Of course that's a promise. It's quite another to say "Yes, it'll be done on Monday", and have the customer therefore assume "it'll be done by the time they wake up Monday morning, and you'll be working through the weekend to get it done, with twice-daily updates." Similarly, it's one thing to say "I'll definitely be around until 5:30pm, but after that I can't guarantee availability." and completely another to say "It will be done by Monday at 5pm EDT subject to 24 hours notice to extend the deadline. There will be no expectation of contact or support over the weekend, being defined as Friday 5pm to Monday 9am. Time spent on the phone or communication over email will bump out the deadline on a 2:1 basis etc." Observation: Slamming between the extremes of "doing whatever it takes, to the point of burnout" and "setting up boundaries to the point of onerousness" is a recipe for an unsatisfying life. Realization: It all comes down to having a love-hate relationship with conflict. More specifically, having no guidance or subtlety in understanding power. Avoid conflict, and one eliminates their own leverage. Seek conflict, and trash the relationship, thus eliminating future leverage. Note: This was my professional life for a distressingly long time. One of the interesting things that has come out of this job is that I've learned how to set my boundaries without being reactionary, aggressive, and otherwise dickish about it. As an added bonus, I've gotten a lot more comfortable with conflict and living in the moment of tension. Much like in a dance, the moment of tension between the participants represents the connection point in a dynamic system. More often than not, the customer wants the tension. They need to know the boundaries. If I don't provide any counter-force, the customer will start asking for ridiculous things, because they will have made ridiculous promises to their management as a result of my ability to do "whatever it takes".... right up until the point where I can't. Unsurprisingly, this helps no one. There are so many things in the past couple of years that have re-shaped how I interact with other people (good) and that have made me more "slick" in some ways (not as good), but have made me so much more solid and reliable in others (very good). A bunch of this is attributed to my current job, but the more important part has been sitting down with myself (and others) and figuring out what I actually want, and how to get it. I'm not there yet, but I'm certainly closer than I used to be. |
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sville_police
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11:56a |
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warrenelliscom
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10:29a |
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sbisson
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12:00p |
My tweets
- Tue, 18:43: Muse: Prog for those who missed it the last three times around.
- Tue, 20:52: @maryjofoley Hopefully on a beach with a cold one and a good book!
- Tue, 21:01: Interesting development from NVIDIA in the shape of GPU virtualisation. Big win for VDI, bit win for cloud GPGPU as well.
- Wed, 00:10: Could have done a Tegra edition of #fightclub last night, seeing as @Krewell, @PatrickMoorhead, @marypcbuk and I were all in the same room!
- Wed, 02:07: Hah! Finished my second node.js tutorial piece. Lessons: node needs better debugging tools, also Geddy is a much better choice than Express.
- Wed, 09:55: ZDNet UK blog post: Contribute, contract; endorse? Technology reputations http://t.co/dWKNeSxZ #zdnetuk
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whatwasthatone
[ ___plastique ]
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3:30a |
Drawing/Painting
I am looking for a painting and/or drawing of two women. One in all black, possibly one piece cat-suit, probably vinyl or leather as I believe it was shiny, with black hair, and I believe a tiara in her hair. She is standing on one foot, with her other foot on the back of the other woman. I think she is holding a leash which is attached to the other woman who is on all fours and possibly washing the floor? She is dressed as a naughty maid, with blonde hair, and has cat ears on her head. They are in a kitchen. The style of this drawing is not hentai or japanese, it looks like modern pin-up style. I am looking for this drawing in particular, but also the name of the artist if at all possible. Thanks in advance!!! <3 |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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2:00a |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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1:00a |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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12:00a |
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aroraborealis
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5:45a |
Why do we hurt the ones we love?
Now that warmer weather is here, I've changed my bedding to lighter blankets and such. Nevertheless, last night, I was too warm and flung my leg out from under the bedding, and almost over the edge of the mattress for a bit. Unfortunately, right about that time, my cat jumped up for some snuggles, finding my leg where normally there's mattress. I discovered in the process that she uses her claws quite devotedly to gain purchase when making this jump. Ouch!! Also, truly not the most relaxing thing in the middle of the night!! I figure this is some kind of balancing out after a recent incident when she was picking her way around my pillows and I accidentally clocked her little head when I went to stretch my arms out. Current Mood:  Amused and also sore |
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apod
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7:13a |
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warrenelliscom
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1:47a |
CLOSEDOWN: Disemballerina
http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=14043 What is the sound of being locked in a box, being transported to a bleak riverside, being gently slid into the river, sinking to the bottom and then being slowly enfolded by cold black waters, closing your eyes, opening them again some endless time later, realising you are conscious but not breathing, finding yourself in a stark, denuded landscape, alone, blasted by ice-razor winds, crawling into a solitary dark stone hovel on the moorland for shelter, being grabbed from behind, thrown into a box, being locked in the box, being transported to a bleak riverside, being gently slid into the river, sinking to the bottom and then being slowly enfolded by cold black waters and then closing your eyes?
It is the sound of Disemballerina’s “Sundowning.” Good night.
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| Tuesday, May 15th, 2012 | |
icanhaschzbrgr
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8:00p |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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7:00p |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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6:00p |
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icanhaschzbrgr
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5:00p |
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whatwasthatone
[ lp4ever_1128 ]
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11:42p |
i'm trying to remember the name of a lifetime movie. it was within the last 10 years (probably within the last 5). it was about a woman who i think had some kind of mental illness or trauma or something. well, she went a bank and the teller got her id and said he had to check to make sure it was real, so he went to a manager and in the end i guess he ended up keeping the id. later he called the woman's mom and said that she had left her id at the bank. they end up getting married and the husband starts to make the woman feel like she is going crazy. he has a storage building that he makes some medicine for her to take but he makes it look like he is picking up her prescription from the pharmacy. the woman's parents are wealthy and i think they have some kind of surveillance company and the husband comes up with the idea to put a camera inside the rear view mirror in case the car is stolen. in the end the woman's sister or cousin or someone related is working with (and having an affair with) the husband to kill the woman to inherit her money. the husband also checks the mileage on the car (she is paranoid about it, he says it is because the gas gauge is messed up so he needs to know when to get gas), hides her keys to make her think she is losing things, goes into her computer and deletes importing things and says the she must have deleted them. i can remember the entire movie, except for the title. and google isn't helping at all. thanks in advance. found it. it was unstable http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403260/ |
| Wednesday, May 16th, 2012 | |
xkcd_rss
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4:00a |
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